Splatter Matters
by Dog Food
Summary: In which the clones play paintball - with lots of ships (Cophine, Soccercop, Propunk, and Helena x Jell-O).


"Whose idea was this, again?" Alison's voice rang out, uneven and high-pitched.

"Cosima's," Sarah replied with a lazy sigh. She spared a glance at the girl with the dreads. Cosima grinned back and offered a wave and a wink.

"Oh, you'll be fine," Cosima assured Alison. "Didn't, like, Beth teach you how to shoot? On that date - "

"It wasn't a date," Alison snapped, her cheeks reddening. She shot a nervous look to the side, where on the other end of the field there was Beth, the orderly cop, being suited up by their instructor.

"Right, not-date, whatever," Cosima continued, waving offhandedly, "but, anyway, yeah, you can shoot a gun. So, don't, like, worry."

Alison adjusted the vest she was given to wear with a ruffled 'hmph'. Sarah gave a little snort and glanced back to the other side of the field, where Beth was accompanied by a few others, and they were all putting on the vests, goggles, and gun holsters that Sarah, Cosima, and Alison had just received. Sarah's eyes landed on the tallest girl with silky, blonde curls.

"I can't believe you invited Delphine," Sarah said with an eye roll.

"Well, why not?" Cosima asked.

"Nothing, nothing…"

"What?"

"It's just, it's cause you wanna shag her, innit?"

Cosima opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Instead her hands wiggled emphatically in the air for a few moments, as if she was literally grasping for words. "I can't believe you'd even think that I'd - "

"Oh, so that's what this is," Alison cut in. "This whole thing is just a ruse so that you can get laid."

"What? Oh, come on! And like you aren't thinking the same thing about Beth?" Cosima glared at Alison, who opened her mouth, only to close it again. Sarah snorted, causing Cosima to whirl on her next. "And Rachel's here, too. So you can, you know, thank me for inviting her for you."

"Psshh. Why would I care if Rachel's here? That bitch's got the hugest stick up her arse — "

"Who has a huge stick up their arse?" came the lilting, proper voice of Rachel. Having just finished being suited up, she settled beside Sarah, giving the punk rock girl a polite, quizzical look.

"Uhh," Sarah started, choking on her own words. Her eyes settled on the girl with glasses across from her, and she said, "Cosima."

"Alison!" Cosima countered.

"Cosima!" Alison snapped, offended.

"Cosima?" a French voice murmured, as Delphine joined the conversation with her head tilted to the side in confusion.

"Delphine!" Cosima quipped back, hoping her face wasn't turning red.

"Beth!" Alison added, also flustered, as the cop strode over to the group.

"Ali," Beth greeted her, with her thumbs resting in her pockets and her paintball gun securely placed in its holster.

"Helena," came a thick, Ukrainian accent, and the wild-maned Helena slinked up to them. They all turned to look at her. She shrugged, scratching her back with the butt of her gun, and said, "We're saying names."

"Okay, okay, stop," Cosima said, her hands fanning the space around her. "We're all here? Good. So, let's split into teams…"

"I want to be with my sestra," Helena said immediately, stepping towards her twin.

"I don't want to be on your team, meathead," Sarah said, shifting away from her. She brushed up against Rachel, who raised her eyebrows at the contact. Sarah jumped away at the touch, turning her back on Rachel completely. "You know, whatever, I don't care what team I'm on."

"Actually I've got a list right here," Cosima said, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket. "I thought it'd be easier to, like, make the teams this way. So we don't have any arguments or whatever."

"Mmhm, and let me guess which team you're on," Alison muttered. Cosima shot her a look. Alison just sent her a smug smile and looked away. Cosima adjusted her glasses, cleared her throat, and read the teams off the paper.

It turned out Sarah and Helena were on the same team, anyway. Along with Cosima and Delphine. Rachel, on the other hand, was put with Alison and Beth. She moved away from Sarah to join her group, and Sarah blinked at the loss of warmth. She watched Rachel go, and when Rachel turned back around their eyes met for the briefest of moments before Sarah quickly looked away. But she thought she saw Rachel smile at her. Just the most infinitesimal curving upwards of those puckered, pink lips… Sarah swallowed hard.

"It seems we are on the same team," Delphine said, smiling at Cosima.

"Oh, yeah, I guess so," Cosima said. She couldn't help smiling back. "That's just how it worked out, I guess."

Delphine leaned closer, gripping her gun with hesitation. She was so close to Cosima's face, that the poor girl stopped breathing and just stared, mesmerized, into Delphine's eyes. Until Delphine moved past Cosima, to whisper in her ear, "I have a confession to make."

"Yeah?" Cosima asked, hoping beyond hope that her voice didn't shake.

"I am not very good with guns," Delphine said. "I'm a little nervous, actually. I've never painted with balls before."

"Did you say, 'painted with balls'?"

"Yes." Delphine pulled back to look into Cosima's eyes again. "Was that not right?

"Nah… Close enough. Don't worry," Cosima continued, "I'll protect you. Just stick with me and you'll be totally fine."

Delphine nodded, a smile spreading across her face. "Okay," she said. She linked her hand around Cosima's arm. "I will."

Alison rolled her eyes at the French girl and the science geek from the other side of the field. She turned to Beth, rubbing her temples. "The only reason we're even doing paintball is because Cosima wants to sleep with Delphine over there."

"Oh yeah?" Beth grinned. She peeked over at Delphine, who was laughing at some joke that Cosima must have told her. Beth turned back to Alison. "Goldilocks, huh? Not exactly my type, but I can see why Cosima is smitten over her."

"Not your type?" Alison questioned.

"Tall. Blonde. French." Beth shrugged.

"So, then, out of curiosity, what exactly is your type?" Alison asked, letting out an airy laugh to show just how light and carefree the subject matter she was darting into was.

Beth gave Alison a long, hard look. Searching her, as if trying to figure out just how to respond to that question. Alison was finding it hard to maintain eye contact. Instead, she picked at the loose threads on her vest. "I can't exactly pin it down," Beth finally said. "But I know exactly who I'm into."

"Okay, guys, listen up!" Cosima was in the center of the group. Her cheeks were slightly pink as Delphine remained with her arm looped around Cosima's own. "So the rules are simple. If you get hit anywhere in this section of your vest - " Cosima indicated a circular area around the chest " - you 'die' and you gotta drop your weapon and return to the main camp, here."

"No head shots," Alison cut in. "Right? That's a rule. No hitting anyone else in the face."

"Uh, sure," Cosima agreed.

"Don't worry," Beth said, quietly, to Alison. She brushed a stray strand of hair behind the soccer mom's ear. "No one's going to give you a dye job." Alison smiled appreciatively, turning pink.

"Everyone starts at their own base. We'll be playing in those woods over there." Cosima waved at the forest that stretched on for miles just beyond the main camp that they were currently situated at. "When you hear the cannons go off, it means we can start. Last team standing wins. Are you ready?"

"What do we win?" Helena called out.

"Oh, uh, what?"

"What is our prize for killing the others?"

"How about you get a bowl of Jell-o?" Sarah said dryly. Helena's smile widened, stretching almost impossibly across her cheeks.

"Sure," Cosima said, shaking her head impatiently. "Okay, whatever, are we ready?"

"Oui," Delphine said, tugging Cosima's arm.

"Good. Let's do this," Rachel said loftily, examining her fingernails. "Although, I should warn you before we begin, I never lose."

Sarah scoffed at her. "Neither do I." The two of them locked eyes, staring competitively at each other, neither willing to be the first to look away.

Cosima smiled brightly and clapped her hands together. "Great! Healthy competition, that's what I'm all about. Okay, come on, Team Science Mega Force, our base is on the left — "

"What did you just call us?" Sarah asked, finally breaking eye contact with Rachel.

"Team Science Mega — "

"There's no way that I'm calling us that."

"I like it," Delphine said. Cosima grinned at her.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Of course you do…" She followed the girls with their linked arms into the forest, Helena bouncing next to her. She offered one last glimpse at the other team, at Rachel's swaying figure headed to the base at the opposite end of the woods, before the trees engulfed all of them.


End file.
